post-finals

the last few weeks have been completely miserable and downright depressing with the onslaught of finals and grades not going where they should be going. but life isn't so unforgiving that my struggles will be in vain.

once upon a time, i realized the power of prayer in helping me find purpose and direction, and only through prayer was i able to succeed in academics. it's not that i've forgotten this crucial fact. it's just been at the back of my mind. when life is going in a direction i want it to go, i feel accomplished that i have done something right by my own hands. but God is constantly telling me otherwise; He is the One who is in control of everything. and so when my life began to spiral out of control, He showed me who is really behind the steering wheel.

and so this semester, i've once again foolishly and selfishly asked for better grades, so as to prove my worth. i had the wrong heart, and God saw right through that and put me in my place. and even after that, He was still so merciful and blessed me so abundantly. my grades are not entirely awful this semester. not particularly good in any way, but still better than what i had been brooding over since taking the final exams.

ptL.