crises

i'm beginning to go through strange stages of crises and self-doubt again. it must be that weird time of the year where i tend to think too much. whelps, i guess i might start putting more short rants up from now on.

post-finals

the last few weeks have been completely miserable and downright depressing with the onslaught of finals and grades not going where they should be going. but life isn't so unforgiving that my struggles will be in vain.

once upon a time, i realized the power of prayer in helping me find purpose and direction, and only through prayer was i able to succeed in academics. it's not that i've forgotten this crucial fact. it's just been at the back of my mind. when life is going in a direction i want it to go, i feel accomplished that i have done something right by my own hands. but God is constantly telling me otherwise; He is the One who is in control of everything. and so when my life began to spiral out of control, He showed me who is really behind the steering wheel.

and so this semester, i've once again foolishly and selfishly asked for better grades, so as to prove my worth. i had the wrong heart, and God saw right through that and put me in my place. and even after that, He was still so merciful and blessed me so abundantly. my grades are not entirely awful this semester. not particularly good in any way, but still better than what i had been brooding over since taking the final exams.

ptL.

november is here

it's november! one of my favorite months of the year!

eheheh..

also, recently i've been very excited about archery club because i'm starting to finally show improvement! i think one of the things i love about archery is that dedication surely pays off. it takes very little natural skill and much more listening, learning, and practicing.

originally, i thought i would just do archery for fun as a college hobby, since i'm already a bit too old for competition. my reasoning is that most people would have one year to learn and three years to improve through competition (but alas for a transfer like me, it's too late to become team-worthy). but after yesterday, seeing as i managed to score rather high pretty consistently, i'm beginning too reconsider.

archery is such a great destresser. it livens up my spirit after a long day of classes and gives me energy. last friday and this monday were particularly good because i got to meet and mingle with team members, who are all very nice, but until now, always distanced. and with the smaller, tighter group of ascent people, we're beginning close the gap and show that we can have fun too!

when i first began shooting arrows at the archery club, i did it because archery was so fun. everyone was very shy, timid, introverted -- but i didn't care. i just wanted to shoot some arrows and get better. it's hard to believe that now i have a few friends within the club, and i'm starting to get to know the team members as well. it's even harder to believe that i'm now even beginning to consider investing on my own bow and arrows and participating in tournaments.

ah, what a lively college life i'm having. if only academics were going well too..

depressed

i didn't realize how quickly i'm able to lose spirit. one bad midterm and i'm brooding for hours.

and then i realized how much God wanted me to talk to Him. how much He wanted me to know that He was in control, not me.

i've become spoiled. i've been blessed with a string of good grades, but it's hardly because i'm smart. i've been tricked into thinking that i'm good. but no. God is good.

for the first time in college, i've received an irredeemable midterm below a full standard deviation. i'm starting to realize, for the millionth time, how much i need to pray. none of this is by my power, but a gift from the almighty God. my GPA is not mine, but His.

berkeley, you may be able to put me down, but my God is greater.

fall semester

I have returned! After a three-month hiatus since school ended, here I am once again! Just in time for the start of fall quarter!

..........

Oh wait, I've already been in school for a month, and now it's MIDTERM SEASON. ARGHHHH.

Oh school. How you irritate me so.

reality

at the end of the day,

my life still feels like it's in shambles.

summer project

i should start on a summer project. not sure what to do yet though.

i also need to look for an apartment. ah the complications.