turning point

i spent today writing a blog entry that shows my current disposition after 1040. i've decided to make it public proclamation by putting it on facebook. i spent like three hours trying to organize my thoughts because it's a jumbled mess, but i think's worth it.

after all the craziness of yesterday, today has been such a strange day for me. i literally feel myself become a different person. my thoughts, my attitudes and personality, it's all different. and so, i know that yesterday definitely wasn't a fluke.

yeah. yesterday was definitely a turning point.

letter or p/np?

WAHHHH.

USP144 has been causing me grief to no end. First it tells me I failed, then tells me I didn't fail but that I'm still inadequate, then tells me that I had a good chance! UGHHH.
As you can see in my previous post, me initial feeling was rather unpleasant. So when I received my score Thursday, I was surprised at doing better than I'd thought I would. An 83% is… meh. Just good enough to be redeemable by extreme effort and exertion. By the fact that I managed to get a standard score with minimal reading and terrible essays, I deduced that the class must be easy, and the average must be very high, high enough to not implement a curve. Not cool. Not cool at all.
So I change my grading option to P/NP.
Monday arrives. Professor announces the average to be 83%. WHAT! Ughhhh. Oh well P/NP is still the best option at this point without a curve.
Tuesday arrives. Tests are handed back. My grade has changed from an 83% to an 86%. WHATTTTTTTTTT.
With an 86%, I could totally get at least an A- in the class no problem! AIYA.

so much ranting to do. sighs.

good thing nobody reads this weblog where i vent out my frustrations.

fail first midterm

epic failed first midterm.

EPIC FAILURE. D:

this first midterm ended up completely disastrous. a don't know what else to say.

.......

details you ask?

question. choose a top health concern and talk about its risk factors. one hour to write.

how do i answer? tobacco is the number one killer.

forty minutes into the essay, i realize something. i haven't written a single thing about risk factors. then i realized something else. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RISK FACTORS ARE! D:

then i realized something else else. i freaking took an AIDS class for an entire quarter and i know everything there is to know about AIDS. then a stupid decision. i decided that i'm going to write an essay in freaking ten minutes. i don't think i was completely sane at the moment.

after about seven minutes, i realized that it's impossible to finish this essay in time. FINE. i might as well try and finish that first essay i tried to write and turn it in as crap. well, in the end, i didn't finish that one earlier.

in conclusion: i turned in an incomplete crap essay that doesn't talk about risk factors.

EPIC FAILURE.

priority list

gotta set my priorities straight.

1. God

2. academics

3. soli deo

4. thepulse

5. cooking

6. instrumental practice

7. exercise

wishful thinking

"you know one thing i miss about high school? having friends."

i told this statement to joe yesterday, and he thought it was the most hilarious statement ever.

unfortunately, IT'S TRUEEEEEE!!! D:

last night, my apartmentmate, john, brought over like five or six of his friends to our apartment. soooo jealous. - -;;

today at the library, i met my childhood friend, eric. i kind of wanted to catch up with him, but with his many KCM friends, it was awkward to ask him that. plus, he's got connections to get off campus and get in-n-out. made me kind of sad.

and then there's joe.

SIGHS.

i wish i had friends.

study mode

my world has gone back into hardcore study mode.

sighs. not again. just what i didn't want for this quarter.

oh well. work life has turned around for the better. not like the hectic mess i was in last quarter. having a full-time staff around has made life so, so much easier. these last three weeks, i've only been doing like a third or a quarter of what i used to do--simply because my fellow co-workers are actually doing what they're supposed to do. i had to do so much to fill in for our team's incompetency and lack of a system that i almost felt as though i was giving up my time to provide for my co-workers wages. no wonder i felt like giving up. no wonder i felt like quitting.

ochem is killer. ochem is more intense than any other class i've taken at ucsd. true, i like the professor's lucid lectures, but the process of becoming the elite erudite is really beginning to take a toll on me. it's definitely amounting to two class's worth of time at the very least.

public health, on the other hand, is so incredibly lax that the midterm's going to be incredibly enigmatic. i'm so ill-prepared and unsure as to whether i can really pull off a good enough exam score--sleeping through class and reading close to nothing. i have three days to read eleven chapters.

to add to the pressure, both of these class's midterms will fall on tuesday.

it's stressful times like these that God reminds me how much He wants me to trust Him. always. every time. Jesus, i need You. i need You more than ever.