miracles all around

i want to say i did an excellent job.

i want to say i'm amazingly smart.

i want to say i'm incredibly fortuitous.

i want to say i made it happen.

but i didn't do any of it. none of it's me.

it's all God.

every quarter i ask for the same miracle, and he gives it to me.

i don't think that many people understand just how much i struggle to do what i do.

i don't know if people understand how much i rely on God's grace to help me pull through.

but the reason i don't get frustrated or stressed out is because i always ask for this same miracle. and He makes it happen. over and over again.

projected grades:

bicd 100: A

chem 6c: B/B-

phys 1a: B+

doc 2: B-

resultant grades:

bicd 100: A

chem 6c: A-

phys 1a: A+

doc 2: B+

ptl.

doc pre-final

my head hurts.

pre-finals week

arggghhh i'm being overwhelmed by the stress upcoming finals! sighs it's so absolutely critical i do well on these next finals cause so much depends on it.

monday: genetics. the only one i have a good chance for an A in. i don't want to miss this one.

tuesday: study all day for chem test. this is the single most important test out of the four! worth 50% of my grade; doing well means dropping a midterm, accounting for 75% of my grade! it's also the one i'm least prepared for: my grade here could range from A- to C+ depending on study and luck!

thursday: physics exam. currently an 88%. i will need to receive a proper A if i want to get an A- in the class.

friday: doc final. very unprepared for this one due to the fact that i've been slacking. i'm content with a B in this class, but nothing lower!

this whole last week, i wasn't able to focus on my studies just simply because the reality of finals hadn't hit yet. i guess for me, it's either maximum potential or no potential at all--and my study instincts have just kicked into overdrive.

prior to this, i was kind of stuck in a--how do you say--manga addiction.. ? reading one of the greatest mangas of all time, hayate the combat butler. of course, i can't recommend it for everyone.. the humor isn't understood by all, especially those unfamiliar with japanese culture. the reason why i like hayate so much is because it's so different from all the other stuff i read. most of the good anime/manga i watch and read have incredible tension: so much so that you just can't stop reading until you find out what happens next. sometimes though, so much tension leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and you really can't appreciate it until it's finally over. hayate isn't like that though: it's based around comedy, and is seriously funny to death. at the beginning, it seems kind of really slow and the plot doesn't seem to go anywhere, but if you can get past that stage, you can really see how well developed the characters have become, making its comedic qualities all the greater. later chapters give longer arcs and develop more tension--but by that time, you can't help but love the entire cast, even the ones you thought you would never really like.

of course, despite being such a good manga, what impeccable timing it is to be stuck reading pre-finals week. i underestimated the power of manga-addiction: reading for five hours straight today when i was to be studying. a hundred chapters in the last two days. sighs.

oh well. i need to make up for lost time. better to study now than never!

life's lessons

today i learned:

not to telling your aggravated suitemate he sucks at sniping, lest you want your head driven into the door. (and not to sleep with a bump on your head right after; you get a major headache - -;;)

that it is possible to run and catch a bus at the peterson stop when you see it zooming by under the ovt bridge.

that i am very ahead of schedule compared to normal people in terms of class schedule. (i have all three science classes with my two sophomore co-workers)

that non-desperate studying is not studying at all. (actually i already knew that)

that salad does taste good when all you've had is dorm food for two quarters.

winter quarter reflection

since it's tenth week, and i haven't written down most all the crazy things that have happened over this quarter, it's time for a winter quarter reflection:

the good:

getting an interview for a lab position i gave up on.

the bad:

she refused to interview me. (well, it was a learning experience anyway.)

the good:

getting a SECOND interview for a lab position i gave up on. (a week right after!) this time, i got the position i wanted--with a $10/hour salary!

the good:

genetics midterm shock. (a whopping 98%!)

the bad:

physics quiz shock. (a disastrous 65%!)

the good:

realizing that i really needed to step it up. luckily i did end up dropping that quiz.

the good:

meeting new friends in genetics and dimensions of culture.

the bad:

... [there can never be a bad when it comes to meeting friends]

the bad:

Justin got into a car accident and died.

the good:

realizing what a great guy he is. a true role model for every christian that desires more. he has inspired me to pursue greatness, both in spirit and in everyday actions.

the bad:

getting news that i received academic misconduct for cheating.

the good:

realizing how fortunate i was already to be in this institution by God's grace. being broken down really allowed me to see the bigger picture--why should i worry about a small case like this when the majority of people in this world can't even attend college?

the bad:

appealing to the assistant dean didn't work.

the good:

realizing that i have so many friends that support me. now i get to get a hearing and experience the full legal process of academic misconduct from beginning to end.

the bad:

getting my bike stolen.

the good:

realizing how good God is. realizing that registering your bicycle is important. realizing that U-locks are a must, even with cheap-looking bikes. and realizing that there are people out there daring enough to cut a lock and steal it in an open area in broad daylight. (there are no safe zones except inside your dorm!)

wow. a quarter with so many ups and downs. last quarter was not nearly as chaotic. But alas, the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

reading for intellect's sake

recently, i've been addicted to reading nicholas kristof's opinion columns in the nytimes. he's an amazing journalist that i first heard about when he came to san diego to speak about "turning oppression into opportunity for women worldwide." he's known for journaling about human rights abuses worldwide and such, and i've yet to find a column that i didn't find interesting. he didn't win two pulitzer prizes for nothing.

http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/

introduction (part 2)

since you're here, i'll let you in on a little secret. every person has a different way of expressing him or herself. some people are awesome at giving speeches. some people only show their personality through action. some people cannot communicate in large groups, but can relate in powerful ways one-on-one.

even more specifically, some people show their true selves through video games (notice their drastic changes in behavior?), some people display their innermost feelings through drawing paintings, some people (among one whose name is Jesus) show their identities through storytelling.

well, my greatest form of expression is (in my own opinion) through my writing. there was a time when i became a hermit/outcast/loner; i was afraid to speak, lest others would judge me by my tongue. speaking was, and still is to some extent, very difficult for me: once you say something, you can never take it back. now that i think about it, my greatest role models all had a certain trait in common: the ability to speak their minds without fear of saying something wrong. that was in my junior high/early high school years.

thus, my primary method of communication became aim. aol instant messaging. an extremely important innovation in helping me cope with my inability to talk. with aim, you get to think over what you say before you enter the "enter" button. you get to check up certain facts online to confirm true statements. those who regularly chatted with me through aim became the ones who were able to see the real me. the me who hid away in my own bubble, trying to become as inconspicuous as possible among my peers.

and that is still true with me after all these years, although not nearly as prominent as before. i've abandoned chatting as my primary method of communication--that's a goal i've made for myself--but speaking to strangers and large groups still continues to scare the heck out of me.

so, as i was saying, i'm very self-conscious about the way i communicate, and frankly, my writings about myself are much more of an in depth look into my world.

so congratulations. for you to read my blog is to experience a big part of who i am.

introduction

as much as i don't like to change over blogs often, i think it's about time for a switch.

there are a few reasons for this.

1. my writing style was too formal. if i didn't think something was worth writing, i didn't. if i just suddenly changed my writing style to become informal, i thought that would be kind of weird--so then i just decided to move away somewhere else.

2. my mom checked it every day. this is actually kind of a bother for me; my last blog was a place where i could sort out my thoughts without anyone seeing anything. apparently that wasn't the case. i tended to write whenever i was going through depression or hardships--but that isn't a cry for help or anything. it's just a way i cope with the impact of stress in my everyday life.

so, my goal here is to write twice a week. no formalities, no capitalizing at the beginning of the sentence, no grammar revision, no forced analysis of every detail of each post. more personal everyday life events, more raw passion(?), more details. less of who i am, more of what i am.

essentially, this blog is for me.

if you're here for inspiration and elegance, you may find it here--but i'll warn you now: it's probably going to be much more mundane than before. just bits and pieces of the world i live in.

welcome to my world.

living by faith and not by sight

my goal this year: having faith to pray dangerous prayers.