introduction (part 2)

since you're here, i'll let you in on a little secret. every person has a different way of expressing him or herself. some people are awesome at giving speeches. some people only show their personality through action. some people cannot communicate in large groups, but can relate in powerful ways one-on-one.

even more specifically, some people show their true selves through video games (notice their drastic changes in behavior?), some people display their innermost feelings through drawing paintings, some people (among one whose name is Jesus) show their identities through storytelling.

well, my greatest form of expression is (in my own opinion) through my writing. there was a time when i became a hermit/outcast/loner; i was afraid to speak, lest others would judge me by my tongue. speaking was, and still is to some extent, very difficult for me: once you say something, you can never take it back. now that i think about it, my greatest role models all had a certain trait in common: the ability to speak their minds without fear of saying something wrong. that was in my junior high/early high school years.

thus, my primary method of communication became aim. aol instant messaging. an extremely important innovation in helping me cope with my inability to talk. with aim, you get to think over what you say before you enter the "enter" button. you get to check up certain facts online to confirm true statements. those who regularly chatted with me through aim became the ones who were able to see the real me. the me who hid away in my own bubble, trying to become as inconspicuous as possible among my peers.

and that is still true with me after all these years, although not nearly as prominent as before. i've abandoned chatting as my primary method of communication--that's a goal i've made for myself--but speaking to strangers and large groups still continues to scare the heck out of me.

so, as i was saying, i'm very self-conscious about the way i communicate, and frankly, my writings about myself are much more of an in depth look into my world.

so congratulations. for you to read my blog is to experience a big part of who i am.