pivotal moments

Yesterday was one of the biggest shockers of my life. Maybe even the biggest. I might even dare to say that the midterm was pivotal to my academic career.

I have never done so badly on a single midterm in my life. The last time I screwed up this badly was when I overslept and almost failed my AIDS Science and Society midterm two years ago. This time, I know I failed. Walking into that midterm and seeing how everyone had their study notes neatly diagramming every disease lectured just affirmed what I already knew: SCREWED. Now I'm just wondering what kind of F I received.

But you know what. I used up the large majority of my panic before the midterm; by the time it was over I had already come to terms with my failure. For some reason, I never seem to learn my lesson until God puts a failure in my life. I want everything, but He closes the doors and leaves me with one thing.

So what I've decided is this: I'm changing MCB C103 to P/NP. In reality, this isn't a huge setback. I could continue on with my plans for double major still. But I believe that God purposely placed this event into my life to put it back on His path. I hate MCB; I can hardly see how it would be useful to my future career. The more I'm here, the less I understand why I chose biology in the first place. The secondary degree is really an issue of pride, which I've known for a really long time. I hate to relinquish it, just like how I hate to relinquish sin. But God understands the complexity of me much more than I know, and he knows which path is right for me.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I have to always think positively. God has consistently turned my failures into victories, and I'll trust that His plans are greater than mine. He gives and takes away -- but when He gives too much, I become prideful and selfish, forgetting to remember that every day I'm here is because of His grace.

The irony is this: lose a class, gain a semester. Because I'm failing a class, I'm graduating on time.